Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
