After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
