Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
