Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
