am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
zippers are such a cool invention
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
