They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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