I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
