I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't turn off my feet"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
