I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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