So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
