trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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