Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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