i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
