shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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