I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
