She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
