my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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