so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
