I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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