you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
