dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
