need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
