how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
