She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a hot homeless man
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
