Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
