you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
