You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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