We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
