Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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