she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
