It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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