I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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