Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
