I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
