Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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