I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
