2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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