we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
