Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Couch. On fire.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
