I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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