Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
