I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
