there's paper in my vomit.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
