No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
