I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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