dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
