sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
