it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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