Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
