First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
