Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
