She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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